It was the festival of colors. One of her favourites. Not a year had gone by when she did not drench herself playing with water and colors. But today she decided to skip it & stay at home. This festival had too many memories attached to it. It was 5 years ago this day that the stranger she had married discovered her diary. It was five years ago that the relationship that was already shaky, started to completely disseminate. She had left her diary carelessly, part assuming he wouldn’t care to read & part hoping he would. Some part of her wishing he would read and understand her and make everything right between them. She had never imagined her marriage could ever breakdown. It was this day that the downward journey had begun.
Today, she decided to head out for a movie instead. It seemed like the whole city was celebrating the festival with their loved ones, as the streets were completely deserted. She drove down the empty streets and subconsciously stopped at the zebra crossing as the red light blinked at a junction. There was really no other movement on the streets that required her to wait. It did not matter that there was no one to see her. It was the rule & her mind just followed it, without any thought. As the seconds ticked backward in anticipation of the light to turn green, she wondered how the same mind allowed her to be with a man who belonged to someone else. Was there not an unwritten rule there too? She felt no guilt. Her thoughts wandered away to that Saturday night dinner with her friend that had ended way differently than she could ever imagine. She remembered the caresses, every word spoken & every kiss exchanged that evening. This chapter had made her conscious of her own desires. That evening, she had returned home as a different person. A dreamy smile was plastered on her face since. She couldn’t stop replaying that evening in her head over and over again like a record playing in loop. The songs that played on the radio that day hummed in her head, the words of which seemed to have found intense meaning all of a sudden. A week had passed since, but her mind could only think of what happened & what more could have been. She now knew that she wanted to go ‘all the way’ with her friend.
Her thoughts were no longer in her control. She felt as light as a feather drifting in the air, being carried around in every direction where the wind chose to take it, absolutely free, in complete trust but uncertain of where it would land. Where would this take her? Would she now be the Paramour? How would this end?