Separated but still together!
How painful is that? Living in the same house that you once built together. Nothing here belongs to me, I live like a visitor but with the man I married. Still coexisting somehow. If there was one memory for every minute I have spent with him, how many memories would I have for each day? For the 18 years that I have known him? How can anyone erase such a large & intense part of their life? How can one ‘move on’?
I decided to put each memory aside little by little. Take each day as it comes. While doing so I realised that the good ones are the ones that hurt me the most, which break me into pieces, making it very difficult for me to get back into the present.
So I decided never to let that happen. I decided to look ahead at what I want, rather than to look behind to see what I’m leaving behind. It’s not easy & I have some really bad days. But in this process, I realised that writing is taking me back to the zone where I don’t want to enter. I don’t want to stop writing, but I want to first take control of my emotions. That’s why the hiatus.
AdiC, touched by your concern. Posting this just for you. 🙂